Who Breann McGregor is in the privacy of what I have not yet had to courage to reveal
- August 06, 2017
- Breann McGregor
In many ways, I have had a blessed life. As a younger woman, I had a career that was thrilling, I was a performer, and I was lauded and very well received. As a part of that career, I have now been connected with thousands of fans who have become almost like extended family to me.
But managing social media is such a one sided challenge. Almost universally, we who post love showing ourselves in what will be the “best” light. We show ourselves at our prettiest/most handsome. We show ourselves having exciting experiences. We show ourselves in the warmth of connections with others in our lives. We show ourselves at times of achieving goals important to us. We are always successful. We are always joyful. We are always to be envied because of how special are our lives and the lives of those to whom we are connected. Yet all the time while the images and thoughts we post may not be entirely false, there is always a shadow side to the lives we portray. So let me state as clearly as I can that one thing I dislike about social media is that it portrays a one-sided, distorted life. I have come to a point today where I don't even want to get on my phone or computer because I know it's mostly all distorted bull crap.
I now want to be open and honest with sharing the other truths about who Breann McGregor is in the privacy of what I have not yet had to courage to reveal – what I am behind the closed doors of my real life (and what you may be as well behind your computer, cell phone, or other screen). I may seem happy from the outside looking in, but in truth I spend many days being quite anxious.
Don't get me wrong. A lot of good has come from social media. It has allowed me to connect with fans, catch up with old friends, and keep in touch with family members with whom I wouldn't normally talk because of distance. But there is so much else that I have been reluctant to expose to them or to you.
Yes, I am a normal individual. I am just like everyone else. And the truth is that being human, being "normal" is always a painful mixed bag. My life is not an endless series of triumphs and great experiences. I worry, I stress, I have anxiety, I go through depression, and I question life itself. For many years now a part of me has felt as though I couldn't let my fans down. I couldn't show this vulnerable side of myself. I had to remain strong because I had others looking up to me, when in all reality I can sometime feel as if I'm dying inside.
The last seven years of my life have been particularly brutal. I haven't spoken out at all. This will change as of today. In subsequent posts I will find the courage to reveal the missing descriptions of the shadow parts of my life. I no longer will allow fear keep me silent! I choose this day to begin to share my feelings and daily struggles through my website in hopes that it will allow others to realize they aren't alone.
No one’s life is perfect! If they say it is, they are lying. We all struggle, and we all handle it differently. One thing I am sick of, and I am speaking on my own behalf, is portraying this false identity of mine. I want to connect with others in the fullness of exposing who each of us is and thereby allow other people who struggle as do I to know they are not alone. As of today I will strive to be with myself – the good, the bad, and the ugly – as well as with others. I don't care to impress anyone or satisfy anyone except myself. I am doing this for me. You heard me right. Yes! It may sound selfish, but it's not.
You have to do what is best for you or else you will lose yourself. Is it really worth losing yourself by trying to impress others who truly don't care about you? I repeat that I'm fed up with the dishonesty of social media and what other forms of media feed us.
There are so many people who hide behind their computer screen and end up with a serious case of FOMO (fear of missing out). I want to let you know you're not alone. I'm scared too. Scared of the unknown, but I'm willing to talk freely about my fears and struggles. I will share what I'm comfortable with sharing and even some of what I’m not comfortable sharing. And I hope that this helps at least one person. If I can help touch the life of one person, I will be forever grateful. Let go of the things you can't control and live in the moment. Don't compare your success with those of anyone else or with the false, glitzy images that pour into you from social media.
I want those of you who are suffering – whether it be daily tormenting thoughts, anxiety, depression and/or stress – that you are not alone.
We can and we will prevail. Baby steps. All you have to do is start with one foot forward. I look forward to sharing with you that which torments me and with which I struggle, and how I am learning to cope with it. I hope by opening up, this might ease the mind of some who are also struggling – as well as beginning to heal my own troubled life. It has taken me years to confront the demons that torment me. I have suppressed these feelings, thoughts, and memories for far too long. I am determined that these rambling and troublesome internal and so-far private images of mine will no longer get the best of me.